Loving Like Christ, Leader to Leader

Painful Truth:

One of the most powerful things young pastors today can experience is witnessing humility expressed by a mentor or supervisor/leader in their ministry. Whether a request for forgiveness is made following a harsh exchange of words, an acknowledgement of a mistake is made, or just the admission of simple short-comings or failures by that mentor, what the young leaders of the church today see least is the authentic display of humility. While, the characteristics they most often witness are resolute self-confidence, high-handed prejudice, or aggression-concealed insecurity. Our theological colleges and universities teach the importance of self-confidence and assertiveness more than they teach the power of Christ-like behavior, resulting in the masking of authenticity among Christian leaders. As a result, leader-mentor relationships with the next generation of Christian servants breed more misplaced over-confidence and compensatory self-assuredness.

In the wake of leadership-level mistakes, it is the restored relationships, not the harsh words that have the power to remain long after the events of the board meetings, the late night phone calls, or the staff office visits. I know this not only because of the numerous scholars who have championed such truths (like Gangel & Canine, 2002, p. 38, among others), but because I have experienced it first hand. I have found myself in the position of both the learner and the mentor, seeking to reconcile the relationship, and very early in my ministry, as the one in need of having mentor-leaders reconcile with me. I can't say those needs were always met. But, when the mentor-leader walks up to the young pastor after the meeting or after the confrontation, asks forgiveness, offers to pray for that young leader, and perhaps even embraces that pastor, it will change that young leader's life. I know this to be true from experience.

In my early years of ministry I encountered several exchanges of harsh words and prejudiced, dishonest accusations, during various ministries, serving nine different churches, 250 plus board members, and almost 100 fellow staff members and pastors, and the vast majority of those words and accusations were fired at me, rather than from me. Unfortunately, I only had the privilege of experiencing a sincere exchange of forgiveness, embrace, or the promise of prayer afterward with a total of two people in my ministry career - and only one of those reconciling follow-ups transpired while serving full-time for the church. A mentor-leader's failure to reconcile, or inauthentic, empty words, attempting to mask his or her insincerity does not represent the body of Christ well.

I've read a great many Christian leadership books - my bookshelves are packed full of them - and many of them provide great insight as to the power of employing Christ-like behavior in such scenarios. However, books, proposals, and theories do not take the place of setting an example of Christ-like love and servant-leadership; they simply provide the content needed to execute such an example in an effective manner. What is needed is a first-step from leaders who are willing to be the example and show a new generation how it is done. It is my belief, that until the church in America can learn how to take this critical first step and be the example, we will never see the masses come to Christ like we see it happening in the books of the New Testament. It starts with the leaders. God help me to be that example, when the opportunity arises.


Gangel, K. O., & Canine, S. L. (2002). Communication and conflict management in churches and Christian organizations. Eugene, OR: Wipf and Stock.