You're a Christian, Right?

Sometimes we encounter people that God had intended all along for us to encounter, whether we actually knew it or not; even when we are mistaken in our impressions of those encounters, at first. And sometimes, God is gracious enough to reveal the reason why He led us into those interpersonal encounters.
That is pretty much the sum total of what happened for me today in an encounter with a lawyer/educator from California. A middle-aged doctor (who we will call "Dr. L") and chair of my dissertation committee, Dr. L scheduled an emergency voice conference with me today. It was not to be good news. The university was applying pressure on Dr. L and on me to demonstrate considerably more progress than what had been made up to this point. The instructions were clear, and the delivery devoid of grace: if you do not comply with ample progress, you will fail the current class and remit into suspension from completion of your PhD.

These moments are never things we want to experience - words we never want to hear. The pressure was overwhelming and the obstacle seemingly insurmountable, given the deadline extension was only a few days away. I had to own it. There were no excuses, this time. It wasn't like last year when family circumstances, medical issues, job turmoil and scheduling conflicts interfered with my progress. No, this time it was just motivation and nothing else. I simply failed to make progress because I got in my own way - crumpled under the pressures of my own psychological weaknesses. Dr. L delivered the final blow: "I have covered for you from time to time in the past by defending you to the university - because I believe you are a good scholar. But, I will not do it again. I can't. The next time, I will give no credit at all unless you demonstrate the progress we agree upon."

My heart sank. My chest tightened. My breathing intensified. And, my head started pounding; it's usual migraine-like response to extreme stress. I concurred with his assessment, as I had no defense. I acknowledged that October was an unproductive month and that aside from minimal library research to add to my literature review, virtually no writing had been completed. In fact, I'm fairly confident that not even the first sentence had been added to the document for 3 weeks straight. I was mortified, embarrassed, defeated, disheartened, and virtually despondent.

And then it happened.

There was a very brief pause in the conversation, a few moments later, and after what I had believed to be the end of our painful chat. And then, Dr. L. broke the silence with his voice: "You're a Christian, right? 

"Yes, sir - absolutely," I said, somewhat defensively due to the unexpected nature of the question.

"Well, let me pray for you - can I pray for you? That wouldn't be awkward for you, would it?"

"No! I would LOVE to have you pray for me, right now," I stuttered with a hint of precipitous shock in my voice.

And then, he prayed: A prayer for health. A prayer for peace. A prayer for supernatural intervention. Every single one of these things he prayed God would provide for me, not knowing that these were the exact three things I had been constantly requesting from the God who created me for years, now, and ever since I began this journey. "Amen," he said, and then followed it up with "I hope I didn't spook you with that?"

Again, I stammered out some collection of words that no longer make sense to me now that I look back on it. "No, not at all ... I, I spent some 20 years as a pastor, and I still love to have people pray for me and with me!" I was trying to convince him that what he had done was more than just a good thing, and definitely not just some Jesus-freak behavior. But, God was already a step ahead of all that. Because that's when Dr. L. let the real cat out of the bag - the one from which God was just waiting to see the expression he created on my face.

"I was a pastor in my 20's and early 30's," Dr. L. admitted.

"What?"

"Yeah, I started a church, and we grew from 6 members to 600 during my years as a pastor"

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, I told God, I said, 'God, there must be something else that you have in store for me, because this? This can't be it.' and He started opening up doors. I went to law school, opened up my own firm, and started helping churches and believers with legal matters that were beyond their ability to handle or level of comprehension, whenever and wherever there was a need."

"Wait, really?" (at this point it was obvious to him that I was not expecting this historical reveal)

"But, the people in the church, and the way they treated me and the harm it brought to my family? It's just unreal; I just got to a point, and I left all of that and said there's no way I will ever put myself or my family through that again, because I don't think that's what God envisioned his Church doing, you know?"

"Do I!" I said, trying unsuccessfully not to implicate my own identical experiences.

We talked for a few more minutes, he encouraged me, told me that he was really pulling for me and anxious to see me holding that degree and adding that prefix to my name that reminded me of all of this work. Then we ended the call ... and I cried - perhaps more than necessary, I admit, but it was a purging restoration of subjective well-being, so I'm not going to give it much thought. And, you know what? Maybe it was about time I did. Maybe that emotional break was the extra push I needed to get through the next phase. Maybe this was the reality check that could help me transition from an exhausted 'wannabe' scholar to an actual doctor, who had completed the outrageous amount of work it takes to get to that place. Maybe, God was waiting for this moment all along, because He knew that with the difficulty level only ramping up, I would need something to stir me, or else I would fail the next major hurdle before I ever even approached it. Maybe, ... just maybe, the next hurdle is just waiting around the corner, and this was the wake-up call. Maybe.

Well, then? Bring it on.

(Edit: Incidentally, 4 months after I wrote this blog, the world went into quarantine ... is it too late to retract my call-out prayer?)